The curse has finally been lifted, and twenty seventeen is now in full swing. I spent my New Year’s Eve working coatcheck with my oldest, somewhat boring and vanilla friend, and then came home at 2am to a house full of family friends. My sister had two of her school friends sleepover, and amidst my jealousy for her ability to be so relaxed around other people, I was glad the day was over.
If you’ve been with me since the beginning of NiceGirl, you may already know that I don’t do the whole New Year’s resolutions thing for sake of cliche and cheesiness. However, I do tend to think of how I would like to improve my life in the upcoming year. These goals, or resolutions, or whatever you want to call them are essentially an expression of how I feel at the end of a year, and what I aim to do in the upcoming. Nothing is set in stone, but I like documenting it so I can look back a little ways down the road to see how far I’ve come, and to see if anything has changed. I also want to tell you guys my New Year’s goals in the case that they may inspire you, or help you out.
If I were to give my “resolutions” a theme this year, it would have to be ME. Everything that I am trying to accomplish is solely for the selfish purpose of making myself happier. I am a person that gives a lot to other people, and I don’t mean philanthropically. I am so overly concerned about what people think about me, that it impacts every aspect of my life. So, for the upcoming year, I would love to start not giving a crap as to what other people think about me. This goes for being more confident in what I wear, and dressing for me and not trying to impress the mean girls that have made me miserable in the past, this goes for branching out to other people and putting myself out there, this goes for saying yes to new things and not being afraid to meet new people. On top of that, I would love to learn how to actually relax. My old gymnastics coach would always call me “one high-strung little girl” and that is still the case today. Although I want to improve my self-confidence and outlook on life, I know that people don’t really change. I am a poster child for being type-A personality and have anxiety and am high-strung, I know this. So I’m going to try owning it, and not trying to change who I am to be like the other people I deem as “better” because they’re not. One thing that I really would like to be able to do, is to wear something, or do something, or talk about something that I really love, and not care at all if other people think it’s weird. Inside my head, I am the coolest person ever, and I know that there are people out there who will think so too, I just need to stop trying to change myself to please other people, because it won’t ever work. Being comfortable in my own skin is a really tall order for someone of my confidence level, but it is something I want, and know I can do.
The next order or business is chalked down to bravery, and it ties in wonderfully to my last point. I once read on a Lululemon bag; “do one thing a day that scares you” and I really took to the message. There are things that I want to do, dreams that I have and goals in mind that I’ve always been scared to do. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to model. Now, don’t judge just yet. My whole life, I have been called beautiful. I am slim, and tall, and I have dark blue eyes and dark blonde hair. Despite that, I was not and am not the girl who is always being called pretty, gorgeous, cute, etcetera at school or even at cheer. As much as we’d all like that little extra boost of confidence, it never really made an impact on me. When I was in the sixth grade, in the thick of all the horrible friends thing, I was selected to model for a Canadian girls athletic wear company. It was like a dream came true. Despite my lack of experience, it was amazing. My photo was in the stores all across Canada and I was even on the home page of their website and their email for Valentines Day 2012. Besides doing some in-store mannequin work, I have not modelled at all after that and it is not because I didn’t want to. Five years later, being the next Kendall Jenner, or Cara Delevingne is still a secret dream of mine. An so for Christmas, my parents told me that as a present, they would sign me up for a six week modelling course in Toronto. My initial reaction was tears (obviously) but then the panic started sinking in. All of a sudden, I was so self conscious. In an instant, I wasn’t tall enough, or pretty enough, I was not confident or relaxed enough to be a model! I kept on thinking about every worst case scenario. I even had a small breakdown over this in Ikea, not my finest moment. This opportunity scares the crap out of me. It’s putting myself in a (well in my head) vulnerable position where I will obviously be judged. But, I still want to do it. I want to do it so badly that even though I’m terrified, I will go through with it. This is something that I’ve wanted for myself, for a long long time, and you never know how it could have a positive impact on my confidence. And even if I don’t become a Victoria’s Secret Angel, or walk in Fashion Week, it will be a risk I will take because it would make me happy.
I guess my overall message to you guys, is to be good to yourselves this year. I am definitely trying to do the same. Even though I don’t know any of you, whenever my phone gets a notification that someone read, liked, or commented on this silly little blog of mine, I well up inside, knowing that I am not the only girl in the world who feels this way, and that people actually like what I have to say. So talk about that book in public, wear that crazy outfit, ask that girl to sit with her at lunch (and commit to more than one day!), tell someone that secret, sing along to the album you love, post that picture on Instagram, take the risk, and do whatever it is that will make you happy, even if it takes a little courage to get there. Do one thing a day that scares you.
Best wishes. Always.