What have I done?!

Happy fall! I have been meaning to update, but you know…school. I am honestly at the mercy of the assignments (there are more of them than there are of me)! About a month ago, I wrote this little snippet on the bus after school, and figured I might as well post it, then give you all an updated version, seeing as though my point of view has slightly changed. Here it is!

So, for those of you who follow my blog, you may have guessed that I am not either a) spontaneous, b) adventurous or c) fond of hanging out with people I don’t know very well. Well, the other in my politics class, one of my old teachers and the head of students council asked me if I wanted to go to a leadership conference with them in November. Dumbfounded, by being approached and offered, I immediately said sure. Why???? (we may never know) She gave me a permission slip and I took it home. That night, after the form had been signed and the cheque had been written, I started to freak out and contemplate everything. Firstly, none of my friends are going. Obviously I know the majority of the kids going because we were all in the same class last year, and some I do genuinely like, but it is really awkward from my perspective because we never hangout. Now, I feel like I’m going to have to force myself into their friend groups or just be alone. This whole ordeal is bringing back terrible memories from my grade seven and eight class trips. In grade seven, I was completely excluded from the other girls and was too shy and self conscious to not care. Instead of making my own fun, or just assuming that everyone there already liked me (they probably did), I was miserable. Because of this, I did not go on my grade eight trip. I ranted for about 25 minutes to my mom, who agreed with me on several points but then ultimately asked me “do you want to go?” And my initial answer was yes. You see, I was not able to go on this trip last year because I had a cheerleading showcase and could not miss the three days of school. The conference seems amazing and I really like trips like this. This conference is essentially a redo. A large handful of the same kids will be there and I am closer to them and more comfortable being myself around people I “put on pedestals”. I’m defiantly going (we’ve already paid), but I’m really anxious. All and all, I am not sure if I’m more nervous or excited about this trip.

Flash forward to today;

The leadership conference trip is two weeks away and I have decided, that despite my little insecurities, I am excited and really looking forward to going. We found out our rooms, and  I was not placed with anyone I was afraid of or hated (win!) but I was not placed with anyone I knew all that well. The one girl is someone I’ve known since kindergarten. We never really got along as kids, but ever since grade six, we have been absolutely civil. She is also really good at singing, so it’s probably good to be nice to her now if she ever becomes famous! No really, she is very nice and all is good. The other girl is someone I met last year. She was in my law class and is now in my math class. We don’t necessarily have much in common, but she is always nice to me. The other day in math, she leaned over and told me how excited she was to be in my room and to go to the conference with me. That was like, one of the best (and most surprising) feelings ever. It never really registered to me that someone who I wasn’t close with would look forward to hanging out with me. Anyways, she asked me if I would stick with her and I joyfully said yes.

I know that there will be moments on this trip where I feel really uncomfortable, but I’m looking at it as a chance to get to know more people and be more outgoing. These people are not scary and not better than me, and for the most part, they probably really like me. I’m really glad I took this risk (well, can you really call this a risk?), because it will make me stronger, braver and more confident. Well, thats all for my little rambles. I promise I will write a post after the trip (it’s three days so I will have a lot to write about!). And for all of you who feel really insecure and shy with people more outgoing and outwardly popular than you, I’m just the same. But don’t let that stop you from doing things that you think will make you happy. Man, now I sound like one of those cheesy quotes my mom sends me!

Do something brave.

Love, NiceGirl

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