Best friend material

Let’s talk about math. Do you remember in primary school, the day you learnt about fractions? Odds are you don’t, but if you missed that first, crucial lesson, do you think that fractions later on in your mathematic life would be slightly more difficult? Well that’s how I see making friends.

Now, as some of you might have guessed, I don’t have that many good friends. I blame it on fractions… well, not really. You see, way back when I was in kindergarten I became best friends with E. She was the polar opposite of 5-year-old me, brave and kooky and adventurous and wacky and fun. I have always idolized the extroverted, popular type when it comes to friends. All throughout grades K-4, she was all I ever needed. We hung out all the time, we were always partners in class and we even had our own made up language (all we did was add an f to the beginnings of words – creative right?) Anyways, I had grown accustom to relying on one sole person for all my friend needs. So little did I know, when grade 5 rolled around that E would have changed her mind about her friendship with ME.

Now, this is without a word of a lie what she told me (to my face) “You are just not best friend material”. This really really got to me. I was in grade 5, impressionable and recently low on self-confidence. Ever since that day I tried to make people like me, by being what they thought was “best friend material”. Along the way, I technically lost myself and became this really insecure version of myself who didn’t really have any friends.

Back to the fractions. Now what happened, was that since I technically “missed out” on the whole making friends thing when I was young (because I only thought I would ever need E), when I was in grade 5 and 6, it was really hard for me to fit in with the other girls (mind you that my school was VERY clique-y). Insert K into the picture. She was someone I had never been in a class with before, smart, outgoing, dressed like me, behaved (in essence) like me. Bam. It was like we were cut from the same cloth. We became friends in grade 5 and it’s safe to say that grade 5 me and K were the closest thing to best friends. Our friendship did not stand the test of time when we were in separate classes in grade 6 and 7. During this time, she became way more outgoing and popular than I ever was, and thus made new friends to fit the bill. The saying “people change” is so so so true. After my shy and awkward attempts to hang out with K 2.0 and her new posse of friends, I was once again faced with the same, exact, heartbreaking, confidence wrecking comment. You are not best friend material.

I have gotten this comment from two completely different people, during two different stages of my life and each one stung like nothing I have ever felt before. Flash forwards 4 years, and here I am, 16 years old and in essentially the same boat I was in in grade 7. For years, I have longed for the sisterly best friend who I can have sleepovers with, FaceTime after school, talk about nothing and everything and the universe with. Or just enjoy their company. I want a best friend who I don’t feel embarrassed to talk about my Harry Potter obsession with, but someone who will share it with me, or tolerate it without making me feel like I’m some geeky loser. I want to be able to share clothes and go shopping and have someone love and care about me as much as I know I can love and care about someone else. I want someone who I can be completley 100% myself around. All my life, I have read books, and seen movies and shows about best friends knowing, that people like that do exist. I want a friendship like Riley and Maya’s from Girl Meets World. I think know I am the poster child for best friend material.

The toxic means of my past friends has done nothing but corrode away at my self-esteem. I always thought that I was the problem. That there was something wrong with me. But now, although I am still working through this psychological damage, I know it is absolutely not me. I have this feeling, that one day, maybe it’s at university, or later on in life that I am going to meet my best friend and that will be it. (OMG I sound like I’m talking about a husband LOL) Once I meet my person, all my friendship hardships will seem as if they were bumps along the worthwhile road. I know there is no such thing as perfect, and I am not looking for it, but I will take close enough. I know that the day I meet my best friend, my person, I will become more confident, more relaxed and be able to have genuine fun. My anxiety will lessen and I will be making up memories for lost time.

Thanks to all of you who stuck through that, I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but I felt the need to get this story out of my system. I hope that eventually, I will have more exciting things to write about. This is not the complete story, but complete enough for today. I hope that any of you who are struggling with friends know that there are people who feel exactly like you.

So in short, I am far from what I once was, but not yet what I’m going to be.

XO, NiceGirl

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What’s in my backpack?

I don’t know about you, but I LOVE school. Why? I’m not so sure. It’s probably the combination of a daily routine, organization and my general sense of curiosity about the world. I also love that it gives me something to do everyday (I am currently suffering from a case of the summer vacation lazies). But, I think we can all agree that the best part of going back to school is getting new school supplies – well, besides new clothes that is!

So I’ve decided to do a “What’s in my backpack” post to tell you guys about my absolute favourite school supplies and what else I keep on me all day at school.

  1. Firstly my backpack is the Little America backpack from Herschel and it is HUGE! At my school, we carry our bags around all day because the school is so big, it would take too much time to visit your locker in between each class. Plus, this way I’ve got everything I need with me at all times! I love this bag because it is essentially a huge sac. It fits everything I need and it is very cute, mine is navy and white!
  2. Next is my MacBook Air laptop. I almost always have my Mac with me at school because a lot of what we do is online and because I am taking an online course. Okay story time: At the end of grade 10, I went to the guidance office to see my timetable for the next year and we realized that I had a gargantuan conflict with my classes. Long story short, after three appointments and some stress induced tears, the only way to keep my schedule how I wanted it was to take online gym. Yes you read that right. ONLINE GYM. It’s pretty much just glorified health class. It’s kinda embarrassing, but whatever.
  3. For my binders, I like to have one for each class (at my school, we have 4 classes each semester and a total of 8 in the year) and my absolute favourite tried and tested binders are the Five Star Flex Notebinders. Whoa man, these are the greatest invention ever. It is essentially a notebook, where the rings open and you can add paper and handouts into it. They come with little folders/pockets and the best thing about them is that you can fold back the cover like a notebook when you take notes!! That may not sound like a big deal, but trust me it is. These binders are flexible and thin and awesome. If you haven’t checked these out, I highly suggest that you do!
  4. During the school year, my agenda is my lifeline, and my favourite agenda is the Lilly Pulitzer large agenda. This will be my second year using a Lilly agenda and I am so so excited! These planners are hardcover and thick with a monthly calendar view and lines for each day of the week. Now I know that the patterns may not be for everybody since they are pretty bright, but it’s whats on the inside that counts ( I think they are really fun!) I write my homework/personal events in this baby everyday and go crazy with the coloured pens. Which leads me to…
  5. PENS! I am a huge fan of the PaperMate Inkjoy gel pens, they don’t bleed and they write crazy smooth. Although I use pens in my planner (and occasionally my notes) I am a pencil girl through and through. Commitment issues, am I right? Anyways, when it comes to pencils I’m not overly picky. I like to use the Bic Mechanical Pencils with the glitter in them. Then there are highlighters, the ones I love are the Sharpie highlighters that are really thick. Lastly in my pencil case I have a white eraser, a 15cm ruler and pink Post-It notes.
  6. My pencil case is one I got in Australia on vacation, so I won’t be able to link it for you. However, here are some other ones I have used or liked: Smiggle, Herschel, FiveStar.
  7. In addition to all of this, in the front pocket of my backpack, I have; a scientific calculator, a mini hairbrush, gum, lip balm, hand cream, band-aids and headphones. You know, the essentials!

This year I am going into grade 11, so I feel like I have this school supplies thing down pat. But if any of you have any school supply suggestions, I would love to hear them!! I hope that you liked this post and that you have a really great year at school!

Love you lots,

NiceGirl